Hi I’m Athanae. Welcome to my blog. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve loved forms of creative expression, including dance and writing. Growing up, I thought I’d be a ballerina…but somehow I ended up at law school instead (!) After a little bit of travel in Europe and a decade of working in the super high-pressure environments of journalism and federal politics I found myself completely disconnected from the person I knew I was as a kid - before I learned what I should be doing; before my perfectionist tendencies kicked in. By my late twenties, I was stressed to the max and suffering chronic illnesses, trying to work a full-time job, run a business (that’s another story), and keep the rest of my life going too. It was impossible. After many, many months of soul searching (that included some very bad drawings in my journal of what I wanted my life to look like…) and a village of family and friends supporting me I gently allowed myself to start coming back to the things I loved doing. I decided to take the first step by going back to movement, starting with training as a barre teacher (it’s kind of like ballet, right?) I subsequently trained to teach yoga and pilates too.

The next few years were tumultuous to say the least. Change isn’t easy: it requires hard decisions and commitment - and not everyone will come on the journey with you. But if you lead with your heart, you can’t go wrong.

I started learning my ‘first’ second language, Italian, when I was five. That set me on a path I’m still travelling today, with homes on two west coasts: Tuscany, and Western Australia. I work mainly as a freelance writer and yoga and pilates teacher - skills I can take with me wherever I go and can find a wifi connection.

I’ve been accused of oversharing my personal life (probably true…) but whenever I publish something heartfelt, or that I know is tapping into a bigger conversation, unmet need or unwanted feeling among the community of women I share my life with (both online and offline), the messages and responses I get tell me I’m doing the right thing. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that we need to take life less seriously anyway…so what’s a little vulnerability between me and all of you?

July 15, 2018

surrender

July 15, 2018/ Athanae Lucev

Photo: Nicola Merciadri/Explore Tuscany

How often we fight ourselves. We fight ourselves violently; silently.

We set aside the happiness and the joy we might gloriously bask in and we say no.

I will deny myself.

Today I will be busy.

I will be perfect.

I will not look outside the window at the sky.

I will not breathe the fresh air.

I will not stop even for a second.

I have things to do and places to be to transform me into the imaginary figment of who I should be.

At every corner, every junction, every decision, we choose to fight.

What if though, you did not need to be that woman? What if you didn’t need to be anything at all?

What if, wrapped in a blanket with a cup of tea with just your beating heart, you were everything you needed?

People will say you hold the whole universe within you: but what if you didn’t even that?

What if, you stopped.

Just stopped. No guilt. No anxiety.

What if instead you listened to the sound of your own heart beating. For just a few seconds.

Without judgment.

Without processing.

Without fear.

And learned to make peace with yourself.

What if you found within your own depths not the stars and the galaxies and the universe, but simply everything you needed.

Surrender.

From that well springs joy. From that well springs calm.

And you might be able to start living.

Earth to sky.

Breath to breath.

Heartbeat to heartbeat.

Moment to moment.

Photo: Nicola Merciadri/Explore Tuscany